What to say to someone who’s grieving

Grief following a suicide can feel overwhelming and isolating for the person experiencing it.

We can often struggle with what to say.

And fear of saying the wrong thing can lead us to say nothing at all, but silence can unintentionally add to their sense of isolation.

The most important thing you can do is show up. Acknowledge their loss and let them know you care. Here are some ways to offer support:

1. Say Something Simple

Phrases like:

• “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
• “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.”
• “I’m here if you need to talk.”

These statements acknowledge their pain without needing to have all the answers.

2. Share a Happy Memory

If you knew the person who passed away, consider sharing a happy or meaningful memory. For example:

• “I remember the time they made everyone laugh at …..”
• “They had such a kind heart—I’ll never forget how they….”

This can remind the bereaved of the positive impact their loved one had on others and bring comfort amidst their pain.

3. Avoid Assumptions or Judgement

Avoid saying things like “They’re in a better place” or “At least they’re at peace now.” These can feel dismissive or hurtful. Instead, focus on listening and validating their feelings. In cases of suicide, don’t dwell on this aspect so much.

4. Ask Open-Ended Questions

• “How are you coping today?”
• “What’s been on your mind?”

This gives them permission to share as much—or as little—as they’re comfortable with.

5. Offer Practical Help

Grief can make everyday tasks feel impossible. Offer specific help, such as:

• “Can I bring you a meal?”
• “Would you like me to pick up groceries?”
• “Let’s go for a walk together.”

6. Be Patient

Grieving after a suicide is a long and complicated process. Let them grieve at their own pace and continue to check in over time.

Remember, it’s okay not to have the perfect words. What matters most is that you’re there, showing compassion, sharing memories, and offering a listening ear. Your presence can be a lifeline during their darkest moments.